


zero gravity

by thunderylee



Category: KAT-TUN (Band), Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Crossdressing, Future Fic, M/M, established side pairings, spawn (next gen), wedding fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2012-11-18
Packaged: 2019-01-18 06:59:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12383208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Ohkura finally ties the knot.





	zero gravity

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck. written for je-ficgames 2012 (team future: "she's just a friend") and cotton candy bingo (gathering/event).

Ryo wasn’t going to go to Ohkura’s big gay wedding, but his wife insisted. She’s been putting up with his shit for over a decade—much longer according to her—so he has to give into her sometimes.

“Come on, boys!” Ryo calls up the stairs, getting out of the way just in time for his two sons to thunder down them. They’re not even into the double digits and they’re already almost taller than him; damn his genes for being unable to compete with their mother’s.

“How do I look?” Anne asks him, and Ryo can’t hide the way he reacts at the sight of her. “You totally just gasped. That means I’m breathtaking, right?”

“Took the words right out of my mouth,” he tells her, turning to the side when she leans in for a kiss. “Stop, you’ll smudge my lipstick.”

“Oh, Ryo-chan,” Anne says, rolling her eyes as she finishes putting together her purse and slips it onto Ryo’s shoulder. “This one matches the best, I think.”

Ohkura and his husband-to-be had insisted on a drag theme for their wedding, so the tuxedo stores of Japan had suddenly been overrun with women wanting to be fitted while the men just lifted something from the office. This was one of the main reasons Ryo didn’t want to go, even if the rest of Eito had been the ones to give Ohkura the idea in the first place. Not because he has a problem dressing like a girl, but because he doesn’t look very good when he does it.

“Don’t be such a priss,” Anne chides him, reading his mind as usual. “There will be a bunch of other cross-dressing middle-aged men there and I’m sure they’ve aged just as gracefully as you.”

Ryo just hrumphs as he adjust his boobs, cutting his eyes over to his sons when they snicker at him. “You’re laughing now, but this is what your future will be like if you join Johnny’s.”

His youngest, Satoru, twirls around in his dress. “I kind of like it. It’s breezy.”

“I’m prettier than most of the girls in my class,” says the oldest, Ryosuke, as he admires himself in the mirror.

“That’s my boy,” Ryo says dryly, standing behind his sons while his wife casually slings an arm around him in her dark, gold-trimmed suit (which matches his sequined dress).

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” she asks, her reflection grinning slyly as Ryosuke strikes a model pose and Satoru puffs up his cheeks.

“Christmas card?” Ryo guesses.

Anne squeezes his shoulders. “I’ll set up the camera.”

*

It’s not like he doesn’t see the other Eito members all the time, but they’re usually not in dresses and wigs. Ryo’s still surprised that he’s not the only one married out of the group—at least to a girl. Hina and Erika are coming up on their ten-year anniversary, only a few years behind Ryo and Anne but with three times as many kids.

“Shinta!” Erika screeches across the hall. “Stop pulling up your brother’s dress!”

Next to her, Hina pulls down the hem of his miniskirt and flips his hair. “Things you never expect to hear your wife say in a church.”

Subaru had gone one step further and cosplayed as Wednesday Addams while his wife tucked her hair under a bowler hat to be Pugsley. She isn’t anyone famous, just an old friend from his hometown whom he’d always loved. They don’t have any kids, but judging by their shared level of morbid humor, that may be a good thing.

“Have you seen Yasu?” Subaru asks, his kohl-heavy eyes making him look like a dead panda, and Ryo just shakes his head. “Ueda said he saw him earlier, but I haven’t found him yet.”

“Ueda?” Ryo repeats. “Man, I haven’t thought about that guy in years.”

“All of KAT-TUN is here,” Maruyama chimes in from the side. He’s dressed as Alice in Wonderland, which gives Ryo no doubt as to why he’s been divorced twice already. “It’s their K who is getting married, you know.”

“Yeah, but they broke up five years ago,” Ryo points out. “Last I heard, Ueda had punched Kamenashi in the nose and called him a selfish bitch.”

Maruyama rolls his eyes. “Five years is a long time,” he says. “I saw them together myself not long ago when I got lost finding the bathroom. See Bride Number Two’s side of the church if you don’t believe me.”

“Maybe I will,” Ryo thinks out loud. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen anyone from that group other than Nakamaru and Kamenashi.”

Now that he’s in his forties, Ryo looks back on the KAT-TUN era with fond memories instead of bitter resentment. He’d never held a grudge with Ueda, exactly; he just hadn’t cared much for the guy. Ueda had gone through several image transformations in the time Ryo had known him, but his personality was always the same. Sometimes people just don’t get along, and that was the case with Ryo and Ueda.

“Ryo-chan!” a familiar voice exclaims, one he never expected to hear again after its owner took off to the States to produce music several years ago. Taguchi towers over everyone in his heels, putting Ryo below chest level while his third Hollywood wife stands close by in her pinstriped suit and fedora, looking bored. Ryo imagines Koki isn’t that far away, as he’s the other T in T-squared Productions, but if he’s actually here with a woman, Ryo will eat his purse.

“Hey, Taguchi,” Ryo says, awkwardly patting the other man’s back as he’s gathered in an awkward hug. “I can’t believe all of you are here.”

“Isn’t it great?” Taguchi exclaims, his bleach-blond curls bouncing from the force of his excitement. “All six of us, reunited again to watch our youngest tie the knot.”

“Six?” Ryo repeats. “Jin is here?”

“Naturally,” that low voice answers from behind him, and Ryo turns to see Jin lounging against the wall in a slinky green evening gown. “I’m Kame’s best man—er, maid of honor. Whatever.”

“And _I_ had to see this for myself,” Meisa adds from next to him. “It’s not every day your ex-boyfriend marries another man.”

“Here, here!” screeches someone to the side, and Naka Riisa grins as she stumbles over with her wine glass. “How many of us are here, anyway? There’s you, me…”

“Anne,” Ryo volunteers, glancing at Jin as Riisa counts off another finger. “Does this mean we got Kame’s sloppy seconds?”

“I’ve been thanking him for almost fifteen years,” Jin says, and Meisa hugs him from behind. “Where is Luna, anyway?”

“I put her on babysitting duty,” Meisa answers. “She’s at that age where she wants to hang out with the adults, but she’s too young to hear the things we talk about.”

“This is why you’re the mean one,” Jin tells her, and Meisa rolls her eyes.

“I know what you mean,” Riisa says. “My oldest daughter just turned nine and suddenly _hates_ me. She won’t even stand near me because she says I’m an embarrassment. Can you believe that? _I’m_ the embarrassment when her father was a Johnny. Yet she thinks Tatsuya is the coolest person ever, and nothing I say can—”

“Tatsuya?” Ryo cuts her off. “Do you mean Ueda?”

Riisa flashes her wedding band. “Eleven years and counting.”

“I didn’t know he got married,” Ryo says, dumbfounded. “We were all still working together back then!”

“We kept it low-key,” Riisa explains. “We were never even photographed together. It’s been much easier since Tatsuya went into training. He’s not a big money story anymore.”

“Training?” Ryo inquires.

“Boxing,” Riisa clarifies. “He doesn’t compete, but he runs his own gym and takes in the delinquent kids to try and turn them around. He’s right over there if you want to talk to him yourself. I think he’d be happy to see you.”

“I don’t know about that,” Ryo mutters as he follows Riisa’s gesturing, seeing Ueda in the flesh drowning in a sparkly gown and a beehive wig. He looks like an old lady and Ryo can’t help but laugh, flooded with nostalgia and something else that he can’t place until Ueda catches his eye, his face lighting up in recognition.

“Nishikido?” he asks, abandoning Nakamaru and Massu to sway across the room. “It’s been a long time. You look awful.”

“You look like my grandmother,” Ryo replies, grinning so hard that his cheeks hurt. “Naka Riisa, huh?”

Ueda shrugs. “What can I say, she’s my zebra queen.”

“Never would have seen that coming,” Ryo tells him.

“Nobody saw Jin and Meisa coming either,” Ueda challenges.

Ryo nods. “Point. So do you have kids?”

“Three,” Ueda answers. “Asuka, Megumi, and Takeru. We were going to stop at two, but, well, I wanted a boy.”

“I have two boys,” Ryo tells him. “Hearing these women talk about their daughters, I’m kind of glad I don’t have any girls.”

“They don’t give me any trouble.” Ueda grins. “Riisa, on the other hand…”

He trails off and Ryo laughs again. “It’s really good to see you.”

“Likewise,” Ueda says, the corners of his eyes crinkling from his smile. “Have you seen Kame yet? He puts actual women to shame.”

“He always has,” Ryo points out, and it’s Ueda’s turn to laugh. “Tacchon’s pretty gorgeous himself, but I’m incredibly biased.”

“Speaking of a couple nobody saw coming,” Ueda scoffs. “I mean, we always knew that Kame was gay, but with Ohkura?”

“Best kept secret in the agency,” Ryo adds. “That totally beats Kitayama hiding a kid for seven years.”

Ueda nods, then turns back to Nakamaru and Massu. “You two are next!”

Nakamaru rolls his eyes and Massu adjusts the bowtie on his argyle sweater-dress. “Just because it’s legal now doesn’t mean we have to do it,” Nakamaru calls back.

“It’s okay, I know you don’t want to marry me,” Massu teases, and Nakamaru sputters as Ryo and Ueda laugh good-naturedly at them.

“Ueda!” someone yells, and Ryo could have lived his entire life without seeing Tanaka Koki hiking up his skirt to race through a church, his pinned-back curls flowing behind him. “Kame’s missing!”

“What?!” Ueda exclaims. “Quick, check all the bathrooms and cabinets.”

“Cabinets?” Ryo questions.

“Don’t ask,” Jin jumps in. “Here, baby, hold my purse.”

Meisa takes the purse as the five prior KAT-TUN members race off in search of their sixth. “He’s probably just hiding from all the attention,” she comments.

“Or he got a run in his stockings and huffed too much nail polish fixing it,” Riisa suggests, and the girls snicker.

“I’ll get my guys to look, too,” Ryo offers, but when he returns to Bride Number One’s holding area, chaos is already in full swing.

“I bet they ran off to elope,” Yoko grumbles, sweeping the train of his dress out of the way as he sits down in a huff. “That’s just like them, to get us to look completely ridiculous and leave us here to suffer.”

“Speak for yourself,” someone says, and Ryo looks into a face he didn’t expect to see today. “I think I look fabulous.”

“Uchi?” Ryo asks, and Uchi’s face breaks out into a grin as he runs and jumps on Ryo, nearly knocking him over. “What are you doing here?”

“Watching my ex-boyfriends marry each other,” Uchi replies with a wink. “And I never pass up an excuse to wear a dress.”

“Of course.” Ryo swings him around, mostly happy that there’s someone here who looks worse than he does in drag.

“Ryo-chan,” Anne calls over from the side, shaking her head as she approaches the embracing men. “You shouldn’t play with your whores in public. Our sons will want to know who their new mommy is.”

“Anne-chan,” Uchi drawls as he detaches himself from Ryo. “This is the best you’ve ever looked. The masculine look suits you.”

“I’m glad it suits one of us,” Anne replies, smiling sarcastically, and Ryo steps between them as usual.

“Ladies, stop fighting over me,” he jokes, then gives Uchi an apologetic look. “Sorry, but she’s a better cook than you.”

“Doesn’t anyone care that the brides have disappeared?” Maruyama screeches, clutching his fake hair to his face.

Uchi tosses his hair importantly. “As someone who has been intimate with both of them, I can assure you that they just snuck off somewhere to consummate the marriage early.”

“But all that effort to get redressed,” Subaru mutters, his wife nodding knowingly next to him.

“Did you ever find Yasu?” Ryo asks, and Subaru shakes his head. “That’s not like him to skip out on something like this.”

“He was here already, then he had to go pick up his son,” Yoko reports. “That had to be something, showing up at his baby mama’s house in full drag.”

“This is Yasu we’re talking about,” Hina chimes in. “He wears skirts and makeup in his everyday life.”

“Nishikido!” someone calls out, and both Ryo and Anne spin around to find Ueda heading towards them as fast as he can in that dress. “We found them!”

“Oh, thank _God_ ,” Maruyama says, collapsing next to Yoko in a dramatic heap of blue lace.

“Cabinets?” Ryo guesses.

“Garden,” Ueda says, out of breath as he reaches the Osakan crew. “They were making some kind of daisy chain oath like a pair of teenage girls.”

“That’s our baby,” Hina says fondly.

“That’s our baby, too,” Ueda says.

Ryo smiles as a warmth spreads inside him. “Maybe we should have seen this coming after all.”

Behind him, Uchi huffs. “ _Way_ too girly for me.”

*

The service is beautiful, though delayed for about twenty minutes until Yasu arrives. Not because they were waiting for him to observe, but because he was the one officiating the service. It came as a surprise to everyone, except obviously the brides, that Yasu had gotten ordained especially for this occasion.

“Nice of you to do that for the rest of us,” Ryo chides him later, and Yasu just pops the collar of his robe, which completely clashes with the skirt flowing out from underneath it.

“There are enough straight-people ministers,” Yasu says bluntly. “Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean everyone accepts it. I didn’t want them to be turned away.”

Now Ryo lounges back in his assigned seat in the reception hall, chowing down on the hors d’oeuvres that don’t look like fish while his wife gossips with the rest of Kame’s legion of ex-girlfriends (including Uchi). She knows better than to ask him to dance—he didn’t even dance with her at _their_ wedding—and besides, now that the ceremony is over, they’re mainly here to socialize and take advantage of the open bar.

The seating arrangement strategically combines the KAT-TUN and Eito members, and naturally Ryo and Anne are seated with Ueda and Riisa. Jin and Meisa are there, too, along with Yamapi and his French girlfriend, but that actually makes sense.

“I can’t decide whether this was Ohkura’s trolling or Kame’s OCD,” Ueda says to Ryo from the next seat.

“Maybe a little of both,” Ryo replies, noticing how Taguchi and his girlfriend are paired with Subaru and his wife while poor Nakamaru and Massu are stuck with Hina, Erika, and the two youngest Murakami children who are too little to eat at the kids’ table, where Luna Akanishi glares at her mother from all the way across the room.

“Best form of birth control,” Meisa says, waving to her daughter before Luna rolls her eyes and ignores the screaming Murakami brigade surrounding her.

“Do as I say, not as I do?” Jin teases her, and Meisa swats him as he stands up and turns towards Ryo and Ueda. “Shall I put in any songs for you guys?”

“I’m good,” Ryo says, sighing as Maruyama croons out a falsetto rendition of X-Japan’s _Forever Love_. “Only these two would have karaoke at a wedding reception.”

“They _are_ idols,” Ueda points out. “I’m surprised they didn’t sing their vows.”

“Kame’s poetry was enough,” Ryo says. “Especially after Hina had to play _Here Comes the Bride_ twice.”

Ueda hides a smile as he reaches for his drink. “Look at them, though. They’re so happy.”

Ryo doesn’t have to look for them—they’re everywhere, fluttering from one table to the next and thanking everyone for coming and dressing accordingly. Kame’s trashed, having transformed from a respectable-looking bride to a hooker at the end of her shift, but Ohkura doesn’t seem to mind lugging him around.

“Shuuji-kun is _married_!” Yamapi exclaims, holding up his drink, and Kame kon-kons the air in return. Ryo notes that Yamapi _still_ doesn’t need to stuff his bra, holding up his strapless gown all on his own better than his date could.

As the newlyweds reach their table and Ohkura serenades Yamapi with _Daite Señorita_ , Ryo takes the opportunity to get a good look at Ohkura’s face. It’s been nothing but bright since it was legal for him to marry the love of his life, which was the day he had come out to the rest of them and confessed that he’d been seeing Kame for three years. While Ryo had been angry at Ohkura keeping something this big from them the whole time, it didn’t take long for Ohkura’s pure happiness to erase all of the hurt from Ryo’s heart.

“Was that a sniffle, Nishikido?” Ueda teases.

“He’s our baby,” is all Ryo says, dabbing at his eyes with a napkin so as to not mess up his makeup.

“I know,” Ueda says, smiling warmly as he just shakes his head at the way Kame drags Ohkura out to the dance floor upon the first notes of _Eternal_. “They grow up so fast.”

“Speaking of growing up,” Ryo says pointedly, turning his attention to a smaller couple on the dance floor. “Should we discuss a dowry now or later?”

“What are you—?” Ueda starts, then inhales sharply as he catches sight of his daughter leading Ryo’s son around the room. “Oh, _no_. I just hope he’s not half as bad as you were.”

“A fourth, maybe,” Ryo replies, grinning as Ryosuke looks sufficiently awkward in Asuka’s arms. “Don’t worry, we’ve already had the talk.”

“They’re _nine_ , Nishikido,” Ueda says, looking marginally uneasy. “I thought I still had a few more years before I had to start worrying about this.”

Ryo claps a hand on his shoulder. “If we’re going to be in-laws, shouldn’t you start calling me Ryo?”

“Nice to see you two being friendly,” Anne interrupts as she sits on Ryo’s other side and gives him a peck on the cheek. “What are you so conspiratorial about?”

“The next generation,” Ryo answers, pointing towards the swaying kids, and Anne aww’s while Ueda throws back the rest of his drink.

When Jin’s done singing and Subaru starts in on something undoubtedly depressing, Ryo calls his oldest son over to the table. “You and Asuka-chan, huh?” he teases. “You know her old man is a boxer, right? You better be good to her.”

“ _Dad_ ,” Ryosuke replies, looking down in embarrassment. “She’s just a friend.”

“That’s what we all say,” Ueda tells him sternly, and Ryo can’t stop laughing.


End file.
